The Ultimate LGBTQ+ Wedding Planning Guide: Ditch the Gender Norms, Keep the Joy

Lindsay Ladd is a queer wedding and event photographer that specializes in LGBTQ+ weddings. Her photographs of queer love have been featured in several museums and art festivals. Although she's based in the Baltimore, Maryland, DC area, she also travels throughout the United States to photograph LGBTQ+ couples celebrating their love.

Creative Ideas and Inspiration for Queer Couples

Weddings often come with a set of traditions rooted in gender roles and heteronormative expectations. For queer couples, these customs can feel limiting or not reflective of our identities and relationships. Planning a wedding that celebrates queerness often means breaking free from these norms and crafting creative alternatives to a wedding day that feel authentic and joyful.

So if you're looking for some inspo and ideas for an LGBTQ+ wedding I'm here to help! Having photographed more than a hundred queer weddings, I want to share dozens of successful and creative wedding day ideas I've witnessed from other queer, trans, gay, poly, lesbian, and non-binary couples.

Two grooms holding hands as they joyfully enter their wedding ceremony through a charming stone gate.

Attire: What the Hell do I Wear at a Queer Wedding?

Short answer: whatever you want!

Longer answer: queer weddings are some of the most visually stunning and creatively fearless events I've ever had the privilege of photographing, and nowhere is that more obvious than in what people choose to wear. Without the pressure of "bride wears white, groom wears black," couples are free to actually wear what feels like them and reflects who they are.

I've photographed grooms in blush pink and brides in dramatic black. I've seen gold wedding gowns, and flowing capes that made an entrance like nothing else. Leather jackets paired with gowns, and lace silk tops paired with tuxedo pants and jumpsuits of all colors have made appearances at weddings I've photographed. And of course suits of every color imaginable for all genders: soft lavender, deep emerald, burnt orange, classic navy - and some of the most memorable ones have been in wild artistic prints that looked like wearable paintings.

Footwear is equally fair game. Converse in every shade peeking out from under wedding gowns and suit trousers, combat boots, barefoot folks, and heels on men who absolutely owned every step. There are no rules, and honestly, that's the best part.

And then there's the details, the accoutrements that make an outfit an outfit. One of my all-time favorites: a bride who wore custom scale mail pauldrons she made herself (you could also commission something like this on Etsy). They were stunning, completely unexpected, and 100% her. I've seen floral crowns on grooms, pearls layered on men with effortless cool, bespoke tailored suits, antique cuff links, and whimsical bow ties on women.

The only question worth asking when it comes to queer wedding attire is: does it feel like you? If the answer is yes, you're dressed perfectly.

What does a processional look like at an LGBTQ+ Wedding?

There are many interpretations of how to process down the aisle to start the wedding; you may choose a traditional approach and involve one or both parents, you may choose a dramatic walk down the aisle solo, or perhaps you'd prefer to walk down the aisle together as a couple as a symbol of unity from the start. I've photographed loads of different LGBTQ+ aisle processionals and here are some of my favorites:

• Enter from opposing sides at the back, meet together at the back of the aisle, and walk together up the main aisle to the front

• Each of you walk along the outer aisles, then come together at the front**

• Have your doggo or escort you up the aisle! I can't tell you how often I've seen this - it's a crowd favorite as well. Pro Tip - have a puppy handler to take the dog after their dramatic walk; sometimes the dog will need to exit the area completely because it's too excited.

• Entering with friends or chosen family to emphasize community support - prance, skip, frolic, dance down the aisle with your favorite people to your favorite song.

• I've had a pair of brides that arrived by boat, met both their families at the dock, and then everyone walked the 30 yards together to the ceremony site.

  
  

**Logistically this option is difficult to photograph or video if there is only 1 photographer or videographer because they cannot be in two places at once. But, it's possible if you both walk slowly and let your photographer/videographer know ahead of time and they are able to run back and forth to capture both of you.

A sleek pup escorts her human to the wedding ceremony

Use Readings That Reflect Your Journey

Instead of traditional religious or generic readings, consider texts that resonate with your experience as an LGBTQ+ couple. For example:

• Justice Kennedy's Supreme Court decision on marriage equality offers powerful language about love, dignity, and equality. Reading excerpts can highlight the significance of your union beyond personal commitment.

• Poems by LGBTQ+ poets such as Audre Lorde, Ocean Vuong, or Danez Smith can add emotional depth and celebrate queer voices.

• Song lyrics that hold special meaning for you both can be read aloud or performed, adding a personal and artistic touch.

Create Your Own Vows and Ceremony Rituals

Write vows that speak to your unique relationship, avoiding clichés and gendered language. You might also incorporate rituals that feel meaningful, such as:

• Joining rituals like hand-binding, candle-lighting, sand-pouring, or "unity-drink-pouring", combining two different drinks to form a new drink which you'll both sip from, for example a white wine and red wine to make rose, or a lager and a stout, etc.

Hand fasting, or hand tying, has traditional roots from Northern European cultures. Couples that are climbers, sailors, and scouts also seem to enjoy this tradition.

• Planting a tree or flowers together to symbolize growth

• Religious and cultural rituals can be adapted to be more inclusive. For bridal gift-giving rituals such as those found in Persian and Southeast Asian cultures, include both members of the couple. And instead of only the groom making a grand entrance (Indian baraat tradition), or the groom circling the bride (Jewish traditions), or only the groom smashing the glass underfoot (Jewish), both partners make a grand entrance, both circle each other, and both can smash a glass.

Choose an Officiant Who Reflects Your Community

There are many clergy and religious officials who would bless and officiate an LGBTQ union, but, if you have trouble finding one, or if that doesn't fit with who you are as a couple, consider a close friend or family member; someone who understands your values and can speak authentically about your relationship. Often, the process for your friend or family member to legally marry you is as easy as filling out a form online (this is USA specific and requirements vary by state, so check your local laws.

Or, why not invite a drag performer to officiate your ceremony? Drag artists bring charisma, humor, playfulness, and I'm pretty sure they were born with a mic in hand. There won't be a more crowd-pleasing and entertaining choice.

If you happen to live in Pennsylvania, Colorado, DC, Maine, Nevada, and Wisconsin you have an extra option - you can self-unite and no officiant is required (thank you, Quakers!).

A joyful outdoor wedding ceremony, where a drag performer officiates the heartfelt vows of a lesbian couple surrounded by friends.

Rethink the Seating Arrangement

Instead of dividing guests by heteronormative “bride’s side” and “groom’s side,” create a seating plan that mixes everyone. This encourages mingling of all the guests but it also represents the blending of families and communities.

Pro Tip - Make sure to have signage immediately upon entering the ceremony space, otherwise guests will mill around wondering what to do and where to sit (I've seen this plenty of times at gay weddings without signage).

Ideas for Replacing the Bouquet Toss

The bouquet toss often reinforces outdated gender expectations. Instead, try:

• Anniversary Dance: The DJ invites all the couples onto the dance floor for a slow song, and periodically peels away the most recently married folks, starting with "all couples that were married an hour ago", then "5 years", "10 years", etc until there is only one couple left, that has been together the longest, and that couple is given the wedding bouquet or a flower arrangement.

• Did Someone Say T-Shirt Cannon? Instead of a bouquet toss, I've had a pair of lesbian brides who fired off t-shirt cannons into the crowd. It was such a surprise and a big hit for their playful wedding.

• Flower Crown Station: A whimsical solution to wedding day florals and one that offers lots of guest interaction and enjoyment. All you need is a table with plenty of individual flowers, various green sprigs, and wire to craft into crowns. It's a crowd pleaser and a guest favorite!

Guests enjoy a flower crown station filled with various floral, plants, and greenery.

First Dance or Parent Dance Alternatives

The first dance is often a tender and sweet moment in the wedding day, and one that many couples look forward to. For a variety of reasons though, some couples feel anxiety or want to change up the typical dancing traditions. Here are some replacement ideas:

• I've seen LGBTQ+ couples dance with both of their parents instead of just one, or even have a "family" dance song, in which they invite their siblings along with the siblings partners to the dance floor to dance alongside the couple and their parents and throughout the song they'll switch partners. This beautifully reflects the blending and joining of two families.

• One pair of grooms I photographed opted to have a Lip-Sync-Battle-Dance-Off instead of a first dance. It was EPIC; and the reception crowd couldn't get enough of it!

• You could also replace the first dance or parent dances with a drag performance - this works particularly well if you hired a drag MC or DJ.

• I've had a few couples that were part of a band decide to perform a small set instead of doing special dances.

Your Wedding Doesn't Need to Look Like Anyone Else's. It Just Needs to Look Like You

Communicate openly with your vendors about your vision. Choose those who understand your desire to break tradition; many vendors who are allies or queer themself will have inclusive verbiage on their website.

Your wedding doesn't need to look like anyone else's, it just needs to look like you. I've photographed hundreds of queer couples across the US, and the ones that stick with me most are the ones that threw out the rule book and did it their way. I hope this gives you a little inspo to do the same.

And if you're looking for a photographer who has been in this space for years and would love to be part of your day, I'd love to connect.

Email me at GingerFoxPhoto@gmail.com

Or browse the galleries and info above on my website.